Wrestling Tip #374: Click on the pictures to read about the matches and see more pictures.
| "Hey, Amanda, nice of you to make it!" Steve said as he scribbled something on the crumpled list he always carried around with him. |
| "Hey, I'm sorry but there was a traffic accident in New Hampshire and I got held up for like two hours. There was nothing I could do, but here I am. I'm ready to go!" |
| Steve nodded and allowed himself a secret little smile. "You'll be working with Andy Jaxx tonight against "Pretty Boy" Hernandez and Edward Xtasy. Be ready to go in fifteen minutes." He then dismissed me with a slight wave of his hand. I was worried. Steve's official job title with Yankee Pro Wrestling is "Evil Booker From Hell." So I had this sneaking suspicion that something was definitely stinking in the state of Denmark. What exactly I would learn in precisely fifteen-and-one-half minutes. |
| So there we were behind the curtain waiting for our music when I heard a hard, very male voice say, "There's two places for women in wrestling. On their knees or on their backs!" The guy doing the talking didn't have a hispanic accent so by simple process of elimination it had to be Edward Xtasy. What a classy guy. |
| I didn't exactly approve of what Eddie stood for, so I jumped in to begin the festivities. Now the vast majority of my match-ups have been against women I outweigh by forty to sixty pounds. So win, lose or draw, I'm used to coming out of the gate strong. In retrospect this was a huge tactical error. Xtasy was not exactly a little guy and I sort of found out the hard way just how strong he was. Unfortunately his rude little catchphrase before the beginning of our match was a piece of clairvoyance. Because little Amanda Storm did indeed spend most her time in the ring on her back. At least I didn't have to wonder how the Evil Booker from Hell, Steve Ricard, was going to get me back for being late. |
| Eddie slammed, clotheslined and suplexed me until I was crosseyed. Then he tagged in Hernandez and that was when the fun truly began. The two of them spent the next few minutes "working as a team." What this basically means was that one guy would distract the referee or goad Andy into the ring while the other guy bit, choked or otherwise abused your humble and increasingly bruised narrator. |
| Naturally I did have my moments. At one point Xtasy stood over me and proceeded to wax eloquent on his social philosophy. So I delivered a witty rejoinder which consisted of a rather stiff shot to Eddie's, um, jewels. I give Xtasy credit for one thing though. I was indeed on my knees when I hit him. Once I got the advantage I proceeded to show the people what that "share the evil" thing on my t-shirt is all about. I put my size ten attitude adjusters to Eddie, and gave his 250 pound butt a great big slam. And I chopped him so hard that guys in the back were laughing and asking after the match who was out there doing the chops. I think that I might have earned some respect that night. Or perhaps they all just think that I'm a dyke now. I guess only time will tell. |
| I don't want to give the impression that this match was just about Amanda Storm and Edward Xtasy. Andy Jaxx and Pretty Boy Hernandez put on a good show basically beating the snot out of each other. I was especially impressed with how high Andy got with his dropkicks. I never do dropkicks outside of wrestling school because when I try, I invariably look more like I'm having a seizure than trying to execute a dynamic wrestling maneuver. So I can truly appreciate how good an athlete Andy is when he delivers up sweet dropkick. Plus it was nice to see someone else getting beaten up for a change. And to give the devil his due, I remember thinking how beautiful Hernandez's snap suplex was in its simple brutality. Almost like something out of the Tao Te Ching. Unfortunately this came to me while Pretty Boy was suplexing me into next week. |
| While I did get in some good offense, unfortunately it was too little too late. Hernandez and Xtasy wore me down, so I just didn't have anything left when Eddie basically slammed me basically back into the stone age. He probably could have pinned me at this point, but Xtasy scrapped me up off the mat and DDT'ed me before getting the 1-2-3. Then he tossed me out of the ring because, well, he's just that type of guy. |